To 1 of the 3 I consider the wisest: i love you, and please don't get scared as i'm just having a very psychotic moment right now, and to my experience, should pass and be over in a few hours...
My friend, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you? just bloody curious... on a scale of 1-10 of how suicidal i am, i'd say 11!
just wonderin' how i should do it... should be effective, and as much as possible, painless... so happy man, any suggestions? oh and by the way there are 3 people i've emailed about my grand scheme, so don't freak out, if it's meant to happen, it will...
if i do succeed, i want you to know that i'm glad i met you... so now's the time to be generous with your hehehes and hahahas... i want someone happy enough to make this psychotic episode, and hopefully, death, lighter, and to rub some of the happiness to my sinister plans...
if i wake up alive, then it's not my time yet, but i will keep trying... it's actually a choice between overdose, or jumping off a high rise building... overdoes is for famous people, i'm not... so i think i'll reconsider... jumping, now that's more like it.... seems more romantic, and it's a classic scene, don't you think?
if i had a gun, it'll be my first choice... brave people do it, problem is, i'm a fucking coward... guns, i'm afraid of them... my uncles are all in military, we once owned a gun, i fucking prayed that tonton would get rid of it... it frightens me... there's an element of control and power to the person holding it, the power to be merciful, or the power to kill... what's in between shouldn't matter... i would want to shoot myself, because, for once in my life, or should i say, death, i will be in full control...
so my friend, i ask you the same question... how happy are you? it freaks the hell out of me, but your happiness is beautiful to me... freaky weird, but beautiful all the same... you're so fucking happy, and sometimes too full of yourself... and the bigger mystery is it's consistency... how does one do that? i'm curious, seriously.... never mind the reasons, i'm just interested with the process... what am i missing? my eternal goal is to be happy, believe it or not... if i couldn't find this one thing that should fulfill my soul, like true and constant happiness while i'm alive, maybe in death, i will...
what is this happiness that consumes you too much, that you ignore bad elements like me?
and i'm going in circles... i love you, i love my family, but i soooo want to die... the end.
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