How To Get Along With Your Husband In 5 Easy Ways
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After being married for more than 10 years, raising 3 children yet getting along with my husband has been such a challenge, that I left my teaching career, and head on to my newest career, which is being a full time mom and wife. In my younger days, I've been a Jazz singer, a vocalist for a rock band on the side, later became a girlfriend to a drummer and eventually, became his wife. I have learned so much about dealing and talking with men, that I can actually tell how they think and how they react to women. I can say that I know guys better than most girls do because I've always been surrounded by them, since I was young, having 3 brothers, all my best friends growing up were all guys as I enjoy their company even at school because they don't gossip much and they don't like too much drama. All the bands I've ever been with were dominated by men, I've seen them do stuff and heard them talk to each other, like there's no woman around because they all consider me as one of them. My very best friend and my man, who always lose to me in our drinking competition, is a drummer and a painter, and I married him. My goal is to make my marriage last, and to make it fun, while in the process.
So let me share 5 techniques to guaranty a peaceful and harmonious relationship with your husband, as I've learned from all the men I've ever talked to and observed. I am still learning more, and I am in an endless pursuit to keep a good relationship with my husband. Hopefully, these tips work for you in getting along with your husband, the man you wish to spend the rest of your life with...
How to Get Along with your husband in 5 Easy Ways:
1. Get to know the real him - Do not focus too much on the background, the past and the skeletons in his closet. If your objective is to get along with your husband, finding out too much about his past and previous activities and relationships may bring you to react negatively, and suspect his every move. What I mean by getting to know the real him, is finding out how he thinks, his passion and knowing his interests and hobbies. If you think you know your husband because you've been together for so long, you might be surprised that you do or you do not share a lot in common, after all. Unlike women, men still think that even after getting married, hanging out with the boys, going to bars and playing sports is still fun and interesting. They're also more inclined to acquiring new interests and activities their friends are currently into. Remember, like most men, your husband wants to keep up with his buddies, and like a high school kid, he wants to "go with the flow". Take James, a husband with 2 children and has been married for 10 years, he admits hating the Saturday Night Movie Marathon with his wife and kids. " I love my wife and kids, and would want to spend as much quality time with them as I can, but I can't sit on the couch and watch 3 movies in a row, I'd rather take them out for dinner, kiss the wife, tuck the kids to bed, and then hang out with my buddies at the bar I use to frequent." " I would also like to catch up with my buddy Lawrence, who just made his first million in Realty, and he hangs out at the bar every Saturday. My wife won't understand, so I play along and pretend I look forward to our Saturday evenings."
By finding out about his interests, you can be ahead of him and suggest that he might want to do this and that with his buddies, and you'll be surprised as to how huge a smile your husband gives you, and would probably buy you that $300 pair of shoes you've been praying for, just because you let him do his thing. To most men, giving them freedom and supporting them with their recreational activities is showing how much you love them. Better yet, if you find that your husband's new hobby interests you too, you might want to join him and get to spend more time with him and do some stuff that you both enjoy.
2. Understand your husband and try to find out how he thinks - If you're not a Psych Graduate, or an expert in body language or profiling, do not trust your assumptions too much and don't be confident that you know how your husband thinks. They think differently than we do, and it's hard to read his thoughts behind his smiles and sweet talk. Although you are not an expert in psychology, do not despair, there are ways to be able to tell what he's thinking. Women usually assume that men think like we do, and they share the same priorities as we do. Again, we go back to the differences between a man and a woman. A man doesn't think like we do, they sometimes act like we do, perform tasks we would, and sometimes talk like we do. But more often, while they're doing what they think we want them to do, they're thinking "I would rather hang out with the boys, and play basketball, than help out with the kitchen chores, if it weren't for the in laws coming over for dinner" and/or "the reward I get from my wife tonight if I do such a great job." Mike, one of my closest friends in the office and a very nice guy, is a husband with 3 young children, and has been doing the laundry since his wife gave birth to their second child. His wife, brags to her girlfriends, that her husband, unlike theirs, work really hard, but still does the laundry and enjoys it. Mike admits to me that he hates doing the chore, and said "I love my wife, and I still feel guilty about my affair some years ago. I don't want her to find out, so I show her how much I love her and because I regret ever having an affair, I do the laundry." Not only is there a lingering gap between Mike's wife and him, that his wife doesn't know about, but Mike is also torturing himself and doesn't deal with his guilt properly. This went on for several years, partly because Mike's wife assumed that she knows how her husband thinks. Mike is unhappy, secretly.
To learn how to discover or tell what your husband is thinking, you need to communicate with him in a way that he won't feel you're spying on him, or you're just snooping around because you're brewing a fight. Instead of talking too much, try to observe quietly, and participate in the small conversations your husband starts. Another effective way to find out about your husband's inner thoughts is to get to know his friends, since more men open up to their friends, than their wives. When you get a chance to talk to your husband's friends, talk to them without alienating them, and try to discover what your husband is like when you're not around. Start with very light and casual talk, put some humor if you can, and when his friends are comfortable enough, they tend to spill the beans. Also, listen to your husband and pay attention. If you feel like he's hiding something from you, and you think you should pursue to find out what it is because you want to make your marriage last, listen to what he says, and how he says it. Instead of assuming that your man is so good, "he does what he needs to do without me telling him", you should take time to discover what he thinks is fun and enjoyable, and what he thinks is tormenting and difficult. That way, you can support him with his likes, and help him avoid or deal with his dislikes. When you understand your husband well enough, you'll be able to communicate with him more effectively and peacefully.
3. Do not criticize your husband - Unless he asks you for your honest opinion, which is really "Can you reassure me and boost my confidence?", you do not want to start a conversation by criticizing him. If you feel like telling him the truth, say for example he looks like Barney in his favorite purple shirt that he's wearing to your daughter's school play, that you personally want to tear shirt off him before you both get into the car, say "Honey, that's a nice shirt, but not for the school play because the I think the stage is set with purple drapes." Later on, if he sees that the stage doesn't have anything purple, he would think and probably ask you why you said the stage has purple drapes, you can either lie and say the school changed it, or you can tell him the truth that the shirt is not as nice as he thinks, but follow it up with you're so much more handsome with that shirt you're wearing now than the purple one. You get my point? Men hate to be criticized, especially if their critic is the wife. Compliment as often and as sincerely as you can, and be careful with your "honest opinions". You may provide feedback, which should include the good and the bad, but avoid plain criticisms, if you want your husband to enjoy your company.
4. Know when to talk and when to shut up - Good Communication is always the key, I can't stress that enough. Now don't get me wrong, I am a woman too, and I hate men complaining about women talking too much, especially if a woman has a point. But the fact of the matter is, we have an objective, and this is to steer clear of arguments and fights, be liked by our husbands, and get along with them. As a woman, I know how wives feel and how much we need to get our point across, but honestly, we don't need to overdo it. Nobody likes a blabber mouth and a nagger, not in the office, not in restaurants, and certainly, not at home. Men and women alike, are drawn to soft spoken, smooth talking and smart people, who only open their mouth when they need to. The most likeable people I know are the quiet and nice ones, and the people I stay away from are the loud and noisy ones, who keep talking all day. A guy friend of mine who was engaged to a beautiful, hot model, rumored to have dumped him, was surprisingly happy at another friend's party we both attended. I asked him if the rumors were true, and he said "Yes we broke up, but can you keep a secret? It was me who dumped her, and because she has a career, I opted to lie about it and told everyone she dumped me." Naturally, I asked him what got to him that he dumped a perfectly beautiful and successful model, and he answered "She wouldn't shut up!" Of course, at the moment I didn't believe him, and thought maybe it's just his way of getting back at her and that his embarrassment is just too much. So when I had the chance to meet this female model, I wanted to confirm my friend's claim. And wouldn't you know, I was just past telling her my name, when she opened her mouth, and it was like Pandora opening her box. My friend is right! She just wouldn't shut up and her voice is close to a shriek and what's worse is her endless cursing. I can't blame my friend for dumping his model fiance after I met her. Bottomline is, men and women hate people who talk too much. If your husband wants to talk to you, make sure you don't turn your conversation into a talk show, with you as the host. Less talk, less trouble.
5. Have fun with your husband - You may not think that watching a basketball game is a good idea for an anniversary date, but if it guarantees your husband's enjoyment, you should consider it, and have as much fun as you can with your hubbie. We never share the exact same interests and fascination with anybody, we all have our differences. No matter what it is, as long as it doesn't compromise both your time and your morals, what the heck, go for it. If he likes mountaineering, get trained then hike with him. At first, having fun with your husband means you enjoying his company while he enjoys his activities and you supporting him. Eventually, if you truly love your man, and you see that your tiny sacrifice makes him very happy, you'll be surprised that a boring or an unimportant activity for you, turns out to be awesome fun when you see the smile on his face, enjoying the moment, with you.
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10 Ways To Tell If Your Friend is For Keeps:
Ask yourself these questions, and find out if your friendship with a person is worth keeping and cherishing, or is it just a temporary thing, founded on convenience and probably, ulterior motives.
1. Does your friend understand you? - Getting along is not just the basis, you should be able to tell if you and your friend have a mutual understanding, which means either you know each other so well, that you both can gauge each other's emotions and adjust to each other's needs, or, you share a bond so strong, that no matter what happens, you are both willing to understand each other, even under difficult circumstances. Your friend should extend a level of understanding, that not very many people are willing to give you.
2. Does your friend know what ticks you off? - It's easy pretty east to tell a person's interest, over a period of time, but to know what annoys a person and to try to avoid being the cause of it, or even being a part of it, should mean that you care. So if you see that your friend, too, knows what irritates you, and you see that they exert effort in trying to avoid these situations, just goes to show that they care enough not to get you upset nor offend you.
3. Is your friend supportive of you? - There's the "Yeah I will support you all the way!" with cheering and much enthusiasm, and then there's the quiet, subtle but very strong kind of support and backing up, that don't usually show up, until you need it. I would go for the latter. It's easy to express support and confidence in almost anything and anybody; we do this even with the people we hardly know, as long as we agree with their cause or whatever it is they do, that we are agreeing to. This kind of support may sometimes be shallow or superficial, because what if we are not in favor of what the person is fighting for? How can we sincerely support anyone openly, if we don't agree with them? So the quiet type of backing up and "with you all the way", is much more profound, like when your friend hates your date, but still shows up an hour before you meet with your date, to give you a booster, give you tips on impressing your date, or to look at what you're wearing and tell you their opinion. You will always come across these types of situations, and you should be able to tell if your friend is with you or against you. Aye or Nay, they should help you and encourage you with your endeavors.
4. Is your friend honest, but careful? - At first, because I'm a very frank and honest person, I thought this would be my best trait, and would make me find and keep friends. However, as I grow older, I realized that there are friends that I wanted to keep, however, my plain honesty, chased them away. Yes, in any relationship, we should be honest all the time, but we should be careful too, especially in choosing our words. The truth for you may not be true for your friend. So if you find an honest friend, but takes care of what they say or do, so as not to discourage or offend you, then you have found a jewel. If your friend filters some of the things they want to tell you, to avoid conflicts and you getting upset, it doesn't mean that they're lying, they're just being careful of your feelings.
5. Are you comfortable with your friend around, even in tough crowds? - Are you fine with taking your friend to dinner parties, social engagements, to important meetings and work related meet ups? If you are, then, it means your friend is a good friend that shows you in your best light, and gives you confidence when there are important and career undertakings, where you need a friend's support.
6. Does your friend share your moral views? - regardless of your religious background, or your upbringing, you and your friend should have a common ground about what you both think is right, and what's not. If your friend comes from a very different culture or environment, but still shares most of your moral views, then, not only are they conducive to your self development, but your friend also cares for your values, and gives importance to your human and social foundation.
7. Is your friend mostly available when you need them? - "Always Available" could mean something else, either a dependency or obsession on you, you don't have to have a friend like the 7-11 store. "Mostly Available" is the phrase we're looking for. When you need your friend to be there, and you see that they find ways to show up, or call you, despite their busy schedule, then you are lucky, because it means your friend values you, is willing to help and be there for you, and not overdoing it, means they're normal, and they have enough confidence in you that you can handle your troubles, and trusts that you will understand in case they can't be there sometimes.
8. Is your friend trustworthy? - Can you count on your friend to keep your secrets, relay your message accurately, and tell you the truth? Can you entrust your most valued possessions, people and other things that mean a lot to you, to your friend? If you can, then you got yourself a keeper. If your friend can be trusted with the important matters, then your friend is worth keeping and cherishing.
9. Is your friend forgiving? - If you have done anything that may have upset or offended your friend, it's natural that your friend gets mad, especially if it's your fault. But then time goes by, you explain and clarify things, you apologize, and surprisingly, your friend forgives you, and your friendship is much more stronger than it was. If your friend has forgiven you before, and forgives you yet again, your friend truly loves you and values your friendship more than their feelings and pride.
10. Lastly, does your friend love you and vice versa? - Need I say more? If all the above mentioned are present in the friendship, but love is not there, then throw the friendship away, forget about your friend, because it just won't work without love.
